We all go through the phase! The impulse to peep through the curtain to find out what lies on the other side. The answer to that dreaded question – what if? What if you did this, what if you didn’t do that. Relationships are no different! That high-school sweetheart who swept you off your feet or that ex-lover who adored you implicitly – whether you could fix things and give it another shot.
Despite how things ended, there’s a reason why they came to a standstill. Barring any form of abuse, relationships don’t just end abruptly. You first notice or start experiencing problems, then you try fixing them. Failing that, you rope in friends and family for help and advice. If the problem persists, you resort to severing ties with your partner. (Granted I skipped a few stages but I presume you get the gist). It doesn’t end there, now you are faced with the challenge of getting over the break-up and finding closure.
The inner workings of the brain serve to downplay this rollercoaster ride once you consider getting back with an ex. Now it seems as though the difficulties weren’t as problematic as they seemed. After all, you’re both older now and perhaps even wiser. Why not give your past lover another chance right? Here’s why you shouldn’t….
Signs You Shouldn’t Get Back Together
Almost all relationships peak, that period is referred to as the honeymoon phase. This period forms part of the core memories of every relationship where everything right that can happen, occurs. We look back to these memories every time we are forced to face the daunting reality that a relationship isn’t working out. In the same vein, we tap into the same memory bank when we are reminded of the person that once stole our hearts. In this emotional state, we are tempted to check-up on our exes in hopes that they also feel the same way.
Attempting to rekindle the spark with an old flame long after it has been extinguished is just lazy. It means reverting backward, which will only stall the time it takes you to move forward. By definition, getting back with an ex means one chooses NOT to progress, improve or grow as a person. Instead, the choice taken embraces the past, regressing in a backward motion. Better the devil you know right!
Life Goes On
In the midst of the breakup, time lapses, biological clocks continue ticking, people mature and attitudes change. The expectation of finding the exact same person you fell in love with after time has lapsed is absurd. And, on the off-chance that your ex still resembles the same character traits as they did in the past, counterintuitive. There are no two ways about it, you either moving forward or backward, cannot do both.
With the clock ticking and people growing, they don’t always grow for the better. As time lapses, people confront challenges and difficulties which they are expected to overcome on a daily basis. The remnants of
How to Know if You Should Get Back With Your Ex or Not
Memories of the past can be beneficial with regards to unearthing the trust and emotional connection the relationships you once shared. But, they can also be its handicap. In order to foster the trust that was lost, one can rely on the good times shared during the relationship. By the same token, the misgivings such as lies and infidelity that plagued the relationship before can make it difficult to restore the trust. Like respect and a salary, trust needs to be earned.
In spite of that, not all failed relationships can be classified as bad break-ups. In such a case, one would think that its easy to pick up from where things left off right. It is wise to remember that the decision to fix thing won’t only affect you and your lover. It extends towards your immediate social circle as well. Friends and family that both parties know and confided in when the relationship was going through difficult phases will be placed in an awkward position upon learning of the news of the reunion.
In the eyes of those close to you, because of the things you left out when confiding in them and their affinity towards you, you’ll be absolved of any wrongdoing. Even if your break-up was a mutual decision, your family won’t see it that way. The bad energy that the relationship will attract will make it difficult for it to prosper the second time around. Navigating family gatherings and socials will be a nightmare.
Starting On a New Slate
To spare yourself of the heartache, one should remember that having shared a honeymoon phase before, it unlikely to happen again. At best, both parties will overcompensate for the relationships shortcomings. while choosing not to raise concern about each other’s pet peeves until a later stage. In this position, one needs to remember there’s plenty of fishes in the sea.
The belief that one has a designated soulmate in the world full of billions of people is as absurd as someone saying vanilla is the best ice cream flavor when they’ve never tasted any different.
The chance to start over creates the potential for new discoveries. It’s a chance to discover oneself and about oneself as part of a relationship. Having learned valuable lessons from previous failed relationships, you’ll be wary of any problem areas.
The conditions that helped sustain the relationship before also had to do with the time and place that allowed the relationship to exist. It is not entirely unreasonable to assume that there’
Even in an ideal situation where you’re both single, have resolved issues and the members of each lover’s social circle give their blessing, the fact that it ended will always be a reminder that it can happen again. Instead, one ought to take what they can from the experience and apply it in a different situation for a more favorable outcome to occur.