Having Sex Vs Making Love
Sex & The Bedroom

Difference Between Having Sex Vs Making Love

At first glance, you would assume that there isn’t really much of a difference. After all, you use the phrases interchangeably all the time. However subtle the differences, they do exist. In the analysis of having sex versus making love, you will note the differences in the two phenomena with regards to where you do the dance, the person with whom you share the stage with and the particular motivation behind it.

Whilst both activities involve the use of genitalia – penetration and the arousal of – the intention behind it and how you use the instruments are quite telling of whether you are making love or having sex. Peep what I’ve discovered to be firm differences between making love and having sex.

1. The Context

When speaking of making love, a particular setting comes to mind. There is a certain amount of preparation that is put into making the encounter special. Candlelit dinner with rose petals on the floor, slow music playing in the background, personal grooming, worn lingeré all to make the sexual embrace an extraterrestial experience. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to paint having sex with a bad brush.

Having sex is mindblowing, spontaneous, needs no setting – meaning that you can basically have sex anywhere, anytime! The adrenalin from having sex anywhere outside the confines of one’s comfort zone makes the experience exhilarating. The difference lies in the environment, whereby one caters for a secluded, intimate setting and the other does not.

Having Sex Vs Making Love

2. The Interrelation

Love-making is an experience one shares with the love of their lives. Words that come up when speaking about love-making are spiritual/life partner and soulmate. The reasoning behind that is that the emotional connection exhibited in that interaction extends beyond the biochemical experience that sex is.

Having sex on the other hand is purely a physical exercise, with both parties trying to get off. No connection needs to be struck because the experience may no last that long. The formula for having sex is that you need two or more consenting individuals and any setting – within the permutation that indulging in the activity in that setting will not constitute indecent exposure or contravention of any law. For instance, strangers have sex all the time, one night stands, hook ups at the club, the possibilities are endless.

3. The Objective

The primary objective of having sex is reaching a climax. It’s not hard to have a happy ending when that’s the main motivation owing to the fact that everyone knows what they like in the partner they choose to share the bed with. With some people size matters, some people find that the body appeal alone gets them halfway there.

It’s different with love-making. There is forethought, planning and attention-to-detail. Granted, getting off also fall in the parameters of love-making motives but it is not the most salient. Above and beyond the physical attraction, spiritual connection has to be found, a certain amount of vulnerability is needed since it’s such an emotional experience. Love-making is commonly followed by cuddling afterwards, this almost never happens when you have sex.

4. Positions/Comfortability

The last thing anyone is concerned about when having sex is how comfortable they are. On condition that the discomfort is still tolerable, the sexual escapade can continue. You have sex inside the car, small spaces like the toilet, in outrageously uncomfortable positions all in the name of fun.

When you make love to your person, comfort is important. The sexual positions are also limited because eye contacted needs to be maintained as well as locking lips. In most cases, when you make love there is time for four play, cuddling. This form of bonding takes place pre and post the act of sexual intercourse. That being said, if the couple is uncomfortable, they will refrain from remaining in that position any longer than they have to.

5. The Tempo

When the aim is to cum, the time it takes to get there matters…a lot. Almost animal-like, when having sex a person assumes a different personality, coupled with different gestures and movements. One regresses to a primitive state with rapid pelvic thrusting, fast gyration, and hard grinding being the order of the day.

With love-making, the tempo also matters, but in this case its how slow can you go. (As they say, it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon). The seamless unhurried motion, gazing deep into each other’s eyes and wave-like harmonious rhythm form part of the composition of a night of love-making.

6. The Vocabulary

While in both cases couple’s talk during the sexual experience, the vocabulary differs. Talking dirty and in a derogatory nature (in an acceptable manner) is a consistent factor in having sex. Although one may be versed in the art of talking dirty during sex (thanks to porn), its always best to thread lightly to avert causing offence. Love-making has an assumed level of respect attached to it, hence certain sex talk, positions and settings are not synonymous with the act.

It is possible for the two (love-making & having sex) to coexist in a relationship, have sex when you just want a quickie before someone comes back and love-making after romantic evenings and celebrations. The alternative is also likely, in which a relationship can survive without making love. I am not quite confident in a 21st-century relationship’s survival without having sex.

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